MARRYING WHITE

I have twin 22-year-old boys in college and, bless their hearts, they've tried to please Dad by going out with Latinas. But so far, it's been hard for them to find women who are interested in Latinos. Why? Do all fathers want their children to marry within their own race/ethnicity? Just because you marry white doesn't make it right. What's your take on the whole situation?

Catherine: Of course women don't need a man to make them secure. However, if you have a choice between marrying a grounded, secure man and a man who is excessively impulsive and passionate, I think the choice is clear, regardless of race or ethnicity.

We are also working with another driving force: People are fascinated by differences. Blond women are considered the most beautiful in Latin America because they are scarce. In America, where we are flooded with shiny golden hair, what do you hear women saying they want in a man? "Tall, dark, and handsome." With our blend of cultures, people often are drawn to those who share their love for life, but an exotic twist is always a plus.

It would be false to say that Latinas aren't interested in Latinos anymore. Instead of making absolute statements about racial or ethnic attraction, I would encourage your children to work on developing their own character, faith and path in life. One day they will find someone walking next to them on that path.

Danny: It's great that your daughter was insulted by the implication that some Latinas "marry white" to better themselves. This means she is an independent and strong-willed woman who only needs an equal partner to feel loved.

Here's my take: Those who demand same-race/-ethnicity relationships are having trouble living outside their own racial-profile box. Those who have matured and evolved, however, approach the world and interracial relationships with open hearts, minds and arms.

As the multitude of races and cultures becomes more accepted in this great country of ours, the dating doors open and outdated barriers are broken down. So, really, no one is taking away anyone's anything. Ignorance, hate and racial discrimination will always exist, and they can only be fought with education, understanding and acceptance. And now a word from our resident expert on bicultural "amor." "Les presento ... La Lily!"

Lily: Danny, as the unofficial Consejos bicultural-relationship ambassador, all I have to say is this: Marry the person you love. Marry the person who will love and care for you when you are old. Marry the person who brings out the best in you. Some folks find their true love within their race, ethnicity or culture; others do not. Love is not something you can define, contain or label. It's a euphoric state that grabs your heart and swings you around until you're dizzy with emotion.

Some people experience a culture clash just by thinking about dating outside their race or ethnicity. It is difficult enough to develop a relationship with someone without having to deal with the added "but he's not Hispanic" or "she's not a Catholic" worries. So next time you see your sons, or your "prima" or "tio," for that matter, dating someone who doesn't look, sound or act like they do, ask them about it instead of judging them. Chances are, they are dating because they care about each other, not because they care about the statement they are making.